Desperately Seeking God

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I had trouble with the God thing. You see, in my twelve-step program of alcohol recovery, seeking a power greater than myself is vital. This is the second step; “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This was a stumbling block. I am a logical pragmatic person and I just don’t buy into, nor can stomach organized religion. I take my recovery very seriously, so this God question took many days of pondering and soul searching. Then, in my Big Book of my twelve-step program, I stumbled on the words that read something like: we only have to believe in the God of our own understanding, that is, our own conception of God to begin our recovery. And we don’t have to “find God”, we only have to seek him. This is the only thing we need to do to form a foundation for spiritual growth necessary for recovery. That I could stomach.

I am Native American. I lived on Tulle River Indian reservation near Porterville, California, the summer of 2002. I am Miwok, native to the Yosemite State Park area. They believe in an all encompassing Great Spirit, or Grandfather if you will, that is pure energy present in everyone, every animal, and every thing. This is not in collusion with my scientific mind. I believe in the pure energy that is present throughout the universe down to the smallest atomic sub-particle. I had found my higher power.

This lead me to the third-step; ‘Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” The third step was easy for me because I no longer wanted to carry my big load of baggage with me wherever I went, nor could I. It’s all in the hands of the Great Spirit now. Having done this, I have found inner peace. I can begin to live now, walking in the sunlight of the Great Spirit whom I only have to seek.

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